Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
