I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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