remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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