I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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