Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
