She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
