I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
