your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
