so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
