i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
