one word: firstdatebathroomanal
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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