I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You took a bar mat shot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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