And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
