If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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