i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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