good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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