....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
