I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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