dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
