im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hippo gnu deer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
