i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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