How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
