i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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