I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
