yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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