Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
