I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
