Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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