is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
