we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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