ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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