hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i think im in europe. pls send help
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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