Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
