Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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