Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
