It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Couch. On fire.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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