well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
