I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
