Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
