ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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