While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
