Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
