I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
