i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
