Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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