I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
