im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
