Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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