We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
