so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
